falls

OMGAH. i'm posting again! what a Christmas miracle! Today I did nothing. And it was Memorial day too. I woke up, played MarioKart like a 34 year old still living at his parents house and then went to lunch with those parents. At this particular lunch, my mom proceeded to get a margarita. I thought that was silly. She should have gotten 50. But like a cat, my mom would have 9 lives, so she wouldnt die from drinking that much, she would have just been very drunk. Imagine that...5o margs! Whoah. 

Well, as you can see above, my subject of this blog is "falls". Well, there are many types of falls...there are falls such as Niagra Falls. Niagra Falls gets a bad rep to me because whenever I hear it, my mature brain immediately turns the name into Viagra Falls...and that's just silly. Another fall, Hawaiian Falls, is a cheap and boring attempt at a local waterpark in Garland, TX. It has terrible nachos, and the last time I went when I was babysitting, I had to leave because I fainted in the women's bathroom from low blood sugar. I had to have these sistas go and get the boys I was babysitting to bring them into the women's room...how immasculating.

The fall that I would like to discuss is not anything to do with water, but actually I guess water could be a component in it. I am talking about Literal Falls. Like banana peel falls. With Literal Falls, I have many personal experiences. Now I will tell you about two. I hope that your humor does not escape you as it never escapes me. neverrrr. 

One time I fell. I fell out of my chair at dinner.  I fell out of my chair at dinner at an expensive restaurant. The waiters rushed to my side, asking me if I was ok, if there was anything they could do...I should have replied, how about free dessert? Instead, I laughed. I laughed my usual hearty-everythings-really-not-that-funny-but-it-is-to-me laugh and i guess embarassed myself. oh well. But I fell. Oh, and everyone gasped...like that movie gasp in those football movies when the player drops the ball and then they play the cricket noise....AHHHHH...cheep. cheep.

The next time I fell, it was a little more eloquent. I was looking for boxes to move my gear from one house to another. Now, I had two boxes already but i felt as if I needed more. I was instructed by my peers to go to Dollar General and HEB to find free boxes. So I went. They had none. After I killed everyone inside and stole all of their ca$h moneys, I went to the next dollar store. (that didnt happen...but i did go to another dollar store). I went to a DIFFERENT Dollar General, not to be confused with the first one I visited. At this one, they had two boxes, totaling 4. I wanted more. I wanted more boxes. SO the lady told me to go to the dumpsters in the back and grab a few if there were some. WELL I did that. So I go to this "dumpster" and "get boxes". Oh that dumpster sure had boxes! So my greed got a hold of me. I reached for my boxes one after one. Soon, I had totaled enough to move my entire house. But I wanted more. I stood on the edge of the dumpster to grab another box and guess what happend? I FELL IN! ha I fell in a dumpster. The end.

Goodbye.